Two things can be true

Alanis Morissette, World Mental Health Day, and attempting to hold it all together

Some weeks, Alanis Morissette feels more accurate than any kind of therapy.

I’m tired, but I’m working, yeah
I care, but I’m restless
I’m here but 'I’m really gone…
- Hand in My Pocket, Alanis Morissette

This song has a way of finding me when I need it, this week it hit harder than I remembered (cue the tears, classic me). Especially this one line:

”And what it all comes down to, is that I haven’t got it all figured out just yet.”

Ain’t that the truth.

The Phrase That Won’t Leave Me Alone.

Two things can be true.

It’s been living rent free in my head every since I first heard it, it’s a cracker isn’t it? This week it’s been on a loop for me, a quiet permission slip that I didn’t know I needed:

You can want help but not want (or know how) to ask for it.
You can be ambitious and a mother
You can be nice and strong
You can be high on purpose and still low on energy

I’m fully aware of the contradiction, and I’m embracing it. I’ve been sitting in that tension, proud of what I’m doing but also so freaking exhausted for what it seems to be costing right now.

Meanwhile, in Real Life

Work has been full on, a fast start has meant a lot of focus at work and less at home. Life works in seasons and this is my busiest, how do you explain that to a two year old who just wants to hang out and read books with his mum? Mornings at the moment start with a more chaotic 5-9 before the 9-5. than usual (and I’ve not got started on bedtime routine) I wouldn’t change it for the world but work is creeping in and I am forgetting to breathe. Is this normal? Or do my boundaries need another review? Probably both.

But there were bright spots too, all is not doom and gloom! At Tony’s, Julie and I have recently launched a Parent’s Inclusion Network and we had our very first lunch meet, it did not disappoint, people from across the business showed up. Conversation quickly descended into venting (much needed) before rising into problem solving, stories shared, action planned and energy restored. Oof, reliving the feeling through writing about it just makes me smile, my heart left that room on Thursday feeling so full, who knew we’d have so much to say. (Julie and I did.)

Creative Rest (and Jigsaws)

Because of said week, there’s a half-finished jigsaw on my dining table, a thousand tiny pieces of calm I dip in and out of. A therapist once told me jigsaws count as creative rest. When she asked how I rest, I said, “I sleep, obviously.” She just smirked, apparently, sleep isn’t the only kind of rest.

Little did I know then what I do now.

I also think I’ve converted Juul, Mr “I don’t do do jigsaws”… I’ve caught him multiple times sitting down for a few minutes at the table, the urge for calm outweighing the need to be busy clearly doesn’t just apply to me in our house.

Two things can be true:

I can be tired and still need rest.
I can be creative and still need to switch my brain off to find those damn edge pieces!

World Mental Health Day (and WTF Memes)

Friday was World Mental Health Day. There I was sending WTF memes to my friend just to get through it. The irony wasn’t lost on me (Yes, another Morisette song, there’s a theme here.) It was only at about 5pm I remember what day it was, having been head down all day, in and out of various meetings and jumping topic to topic, project to project… hop little bunny hop, hop, hop! (Yep I did just throw in a Miss Rachel song reference in here for good measure.)

Maybe that’s the truth about awareness though, it doesn’t make life easier, just clearer. I caught myself mid scroll half way between meme and meltdown and though, maybe this is what coping looks like now.

Because no one is coming to save us, no knight in shining armour, oh no thank you very much. We learn to save ourselves with one boudary, one puzzle piece, one meme at a time.

Alanis, Again

“I’m sane but I’m overwhelmed,
I’m lost but I’m hopeful, baby.
And what it all comes down to,
Is that everything’s gonna be quite alright.”

I’m sane but overwhelmed. Lost but hopeful.
And what it all comes down to is that we’re figuring it out

Wherever you are in the puzzle, keep going.
Two things can be true, and I’m choosing cautious optimism.

Here’s to a great week everyone. We’ve got this.

Emma 💛